tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89944119053630045642011-12-23T03:00:05.659-06:00Yes, Cancer Does Suckliving with cancer - healing with music and faith - yes, cancer does suckCarolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.comBlogger761100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-1809665500734831792011-05-14T18:13:00.006-05:002011-05-14T18:31:53.331-05:00Bring Back Darvocet . com IS HERE !There's a new website in town - to help pain sufferers who had their only means of 'quality of life' taken away from them...... For most there is no substitute. Many are upset with the government's hands reaching in taking away their only pain relief medications, for reasons that are not even close to valid.... and there are more on the chopping block of Obama's plan.Before it's too late, pain Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-37727943112172945522011-01-08T12:45:00.008-06:002011-01-08T15:15:39.674-06:00Finding something in me & Chasing away the blues… Among the things I’ve accomplished in my life, I will always be most proud of my daughter. Always. Recently though, I’ve done something somewhat for myself. I’ve enjoyed photography since I was a little girl, when my Godfather gave me my first camera for my First Communion. Later, I lost my favorite Minolta Film camera in our fire. I knew I’d never be able to get with the century and Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-55120188505898485202010-12-16T18:31:00.005-06:002011-05-14T18:12:29.497-05:00Bring Back Darvocet -N propoxyphene and genericsThey took away our pain management pill... Darvocet.I can only imagine the infamous "group" of people that wanted it off the market, have not needed pain management for cancers, bone problems, severe back pains, even severe arthritis... or were able to be treated with other medications. For many of us, other medications do not work.I started a new petition,For those suffering in pain... that Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-70252864909690031962010-07-05T11:18:00.012-05:002010-07-05T12:26:16.814-05:00Friends of MUSIC....<!--[if gte mso 9]> Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]> <![endif]--> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:"Comic Sans MS"; panose-1:3 15 7 2 3 3 2 2 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:script; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:647 0 0 0 159 0;} /* Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-74407857302364060432010-07-05T10:45:00.010-05:002010-08-05T10:28:47.615-05:00Taste of the STORM....<!--[if gte mso 9]> Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]> <![endif]--> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:"Comic Sans MS"; panose-1:3 15 7 2 3 3 2 2 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:script; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:647 0 0 0 159 0;} /* Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-73187159320783001032010-06-13T08:48:00.002-05:002010-06-13T10:58:38.667-05:00Clouded<!--[if gte mso 9]> Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]> <![endif]--> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:"Comic Sans MS"; panose-1:3 15 7 2 3 3 2 2 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:script; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:647 0 0 0 159 0;} /* Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-86704113333358073202010-05-17T12:15:00.001-05:002010-05-17T14:58:41.786-05:00another passing... moments of selfishness...<!--[if gte mso 9]> Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]> <![endif]--> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:"Comic Sans MS"; panose-1:3 15 7 2 3 3 2 2 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:script; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:647 0 0 0 159 0;} /* Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-22364396308992134852010-05-16T22:24:00.010-05:002010-08-05T10:24:11.646-05:00Ronnie James Dio
<!--[if gte mso 9]> Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]> <![endif]--> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:"Comic Sans MS"; panose-1:3 15 7 2 3 3 2 2 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:script; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:647 0 0 0 159 0;} /* Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-89291434355739891062009-12-10T12:10:00.009-06:002010-06-13T13:58:02.599-05:00Yes Sarah, there is a St. Nic!
<!--[if !mso]> v\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} o\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} w\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} .shape {behavior:url(#default#VML);} <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]> Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]> <![endif]--> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormalCarolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-29873222763977676592009-12-01T12:59:00.006-06:002009-12-01T13:12:25.306-06:00A CURE for CANCER?!!!!!Oh my God. I just saw something that gave me chills down my spine and I went weak in the knees. I had tears of joy quietly squeezing out. This is the most promising thing I've ever seen!! I have a sense, this one just might work!!!! And go figure, the idea was sparked by a 16 year old!....You can see the video here: http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/OnCall/husband-searches-cancer-cure-wifes-death/Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-12080607785745381182009-11-17T09:41:00.008-06:002009-11-17T10:11:52.189-06:00I HAVE A NAME! I HAVE A FACE!!I worry every day if I will continue to survive this disease. This morning, I’m beside myself with fear and worry. My head is spinning and I’m in tears. What about my daughter? What about YOUR DAUGHTER? YOUR NIECE? YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER? The new “guidelines” for Breast Cancer Screening has been changed by our government. Welcome to the new National Health Care system. (we’ll wait till you’Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-62372322698665834752009-11-17T09:25:00.000-06:002009-11-17T13:56:57.910-06:00I HAVE A FACE - I HAVE A NAME !!!! continued...Write your representatives senators & congressmen/woman....
Tell them you are opposed to this new shut up and die "guideline" which is merely a prelude of what's to come in our health care. TELL THEM YOU ARE WATCHING & PAYING ATTENTION. If we don't voice, they think we don't care. Please, don't let this opportunity slip through your fingers.
Representatives: http://www.house.gov/house/Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-29411489733392207552009-10-21T09:39:00.006-05:002009-10-21T09:50:42.744-05:00Halloween Flashlight Hazard !!!!Do NOT use or give to children!!!!Black & Orange flashlight with 6 stencils (also sold in 3 pack of black, orange and green flashlights) FIRE HAZARDThis morning (10/21/09) I heard on WLUP 97.9 radio with Johny B a mother’s chilling story of a flash light that should have been fun turned extremely dangerous.She played with the flash light for about 5 minutes with her 3 year old before bed. Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-68751028942598599662009-08-11T12:01:00.011-05:002009-08-13T10:25:52.158-05:00Poisoned. Our slow slaughter…Dark clouds loom around us all…I do believe bad thing sometimes happen for a reason, a lesson to be learned not necessarily for the person directly inflicted, but perhaps for others related, or a remote person or people gaining wisdom from someone else’s misfortunate story. On the other hand bad things can happen to someone because of someone else’s actions. That’s a part of free-will given to usCarolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-17291104078330917902009-08-11T10:22:00.002-05:002009-08-13T10:31:29.180-05:00TROUBLED WATERS, Contamination... Hello? Erin Brockovich?This is something that may affect everyone reading this. Please bear with me. Even if you are not in Illinois, and especially if you ARE. Our very lives actually may depend on it.All through this twisted journey of life altering, and ongoing cancer battle I’ve been on, I’ve never asked “why me”, however, now and again I entertained the thoughts of HOW me? HOW may have this cancer been Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-21636999493450660902009-07-03T12:56:00.011-05:002009-07-03T13:55:53.692-05:00Our Daughter's & Son's...Wouldn’t it be great if our daughters (and some sons too!) weren’t just sitting ducks? There is a buzz about a breast cancer VACCINE…. Wouldn’t that be AMAZING? I heard it through the grape vine and am anxious to find more information. One important factor for this is research research research.A very dear friend is taking a hike. In one short month, August, she is walking for 3 days to raise Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-29652346436651797912009-07-03T11:03:00.006-05:002009-07-03T15:25:33.088-05:00HANG ing ToughTo anyone fighting cancer or living with it... I’d like to share with you, MY MANTRA.These powerful words truly got me through chemotherapy as they ran through my head over and over and over again. Reminds me to keep fighting every day... ((Oh! And my Tumor Marker & CellSearch tests came back clean from last week! ... WOOOOOO HOOOOOO!! I remain on pills to inhibit cancer growth for 5 years.Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-39492985230765794362009-05-18T11:52:00.008-05:002009-05-18T12:21:38.681-05:00Emotions build and creep in silently like an approaching, possibly threatening, storm. They run rampant like a fox hunt and bounce back and forth like a tennis match living with cancer. One minute you are living normal. Doing dishes. Laundry. Fixing Dinner. Cleaning up dog yak. The next you realize, you are not doing the things you set out to do. Spend quality time with your spouse. Go to the Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-18308627559042108112009-05-16T09:50:00.000-05:002009-05-18T11:52:18.567-05:00This past week, while I tried to function on a normal level, a feeling out of the blue, like a sharp knife in the pit of my stomach, came to me. I feel like I might be heading toward disease progression. My next appointment isn’t until July. And I’ll secretly worry until then. But I’ll also do what I can to calm myself.Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-36795892092724697322009-03-11T11:15:00.003-05:002009-04-19T15:00:00.630-05:00Healthful benefits from musicIf you don’t vacuum the rug for a period of time, it begins to get dingy. Dirty. Clogged with a web of dog hair and dirt from paws or the better half’s boots. So what do you do? You vacuum to get rid of the grime. Right? Music is like a vacuum. While it may seem to have nothing to do with health or spirituality, it actually has a very direct connection for many. It “cleanses the soul” paving the Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-70950474525200815272009-03-10T11:03:00.006-05:002010-07-06T13:20:47.275-05:00Electromagnetic, completely kinetic - music/part 2 “Experts” say, to help re-connect couples, they require “couple time”. Very true.My husband and I found at least one concert a year truly benefits our relationship, bring us together, by partaking in something we both enjoy. Collectively, we have a wide array of musical interests.One band we can’t miss has been hitting the circuit hard. Tesla. They’ve become our yearly fix. A necessity. I’ve Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-74673983355567232302009-03-06T14:32:00.001-06:002009-03-11T12:42:27.301-05:00CellSearch™ - testing cancer cells Something from the depths of the ocean? Attractive as it may be, it ain’t pretty as it looks. No. It is something I worry about almost every day. Just one of these. Something anyone who has or had cancer. A single cancer cell. Just one, can change your life forever. Just one haunts you. There is a new-ish test out there now called CellSearch™. It detects cancer cells differently then tumor Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-61136582197719134522009-02-11T15:25:00.009-06:002009-02-11T15:45:42.703-06:00sorry, just can't keep my mouth shut.Transparency? It sure is transparent. So transparent you can’t see it. (You'll never easily find it all.) Universal HealthCare? Na, it didn’t get shoved in there so you wouldn’t know we are going to control whether your doctor treats you or not. (anyone that may be a burden, with terminal sickness, we think is too old or have poor prognoses won’t be treated, because it’s a waste of resources.)Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-32509409512773910252009-02-06T15:03:00.002-06:002009-02-06T15:07:50.079-06:00B9Boy oh boy, those biopsy needles are something...Going through your neck.... ew ew ew...I received the results from the second thyroid biopsy. (have no clue what happened to the first results with a different doctor, they never called or forwarded to my oncologist.) After all I have researched and doctor conversations, I’m not surprised it came back benign. I expected it actually. It could Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-83399610382456564572009-01-20T22:33:00.001-06:002009-01-20T22:33:00.972-06:00your body is TELLING you somethingOur bodies are unique complex machines. We may not have a dashboard light that comes on to tell us something is wrong with our engine, but we do have a temperature gauge. You get to know your car. When the temperature gauge in the car rises, we take note, because something could be wrong. It is a warning. We wouldn’t ignore that would we? So why should we ignore our own body temperatures? Just Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-66836303943592078262009-01-14T15:09:00.005-06:002009-01-17T15:20:56.464-06:00Laugh and Smell RosesIf you haven’t taken time to smell the roses or laugh lately, try to recall a time when there may have even been no words, when you and your friend saw something or remembered something at the same time, and just busted out laughing so hard you laughed yourself hoarse? How about a time before America’s Funnies Home Videos when you saw someone slip on the ice and go down kinda hard then he looked Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-15754662747639813112009-01-10T12:00:00.001-06:002009-01-17T12:06:20.627-06:00Finding a routine beyond turmoilNothing has been routine for me since first line / second line treatments. You settle into an odd routine having chemotherapy. There is a continued disruption that becomes your life. You adapt to anguish and pain while in a self preservation mode. There is a repetitive habitual schedule with radiation. While you start feeling better, there is a daily disturbance of travel and reminder of what hasCarolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-783028601343168552008-12-09T10:08:00.008-06:002008-12-09T12:54:28.778-06:00Second cancer….The thyroid is an interesting creature. I’m amazed at not only the location and shape of it, but all the major functions it is responsible for regulating. It is a butterfly shaped organ, located at the base of your neck, under the adam’s apple. In short it controls the speed at which the body’s chemical (metabolic rate) functions. It affects things such as bowel movements all the way to heart Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-20904899009919737842008-11-26T07:28:00.001-06:002008-11-26T13:35:39.482-06:00Quick update.I had full CT & MRI of brain & c spine last week.There were a few we’ll call them “minor” things they could see, such as the areas I’ve had trouble with for years, spots on lungs, plus herniated discs in my neck. They also uncovered a spot on or near thyroid which has doubled in size (in 2 months) since August. I’m going in this afternoon for a scan to evaluate that spot further.How Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-8555844787400806232008-11-06T12:07:00.004-06:002008-11-11T09:36:52.342-06:00I was feeling particularly pissy with my husband the other day….I heard a line form a movie that sums up how I’ve felt the last couple days, including this morning.From tired wife to her husband: “You don’t need ME to meet every single one of your needs at the exact moment you need them met!”He has been walking around for DAYS saying, what do we have to eat? Instead of pulling out great leftoversCarolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-27616492485673736712008-10-31T20:21:00.001-05:002008-10-31T20:21:01.518-05:00More Tips to Avoid Lymphedema:Activity / Lifestyle· Gradually build up duration and intensity of any activity or exercise.· Take frequent rest periods during activity to allow for limb recovery.· Monitor the extremity during and after activity for any change in size, shape, tissue texture, soreness, heaviness or firmness.· Maintain optimal weight (uh, ok)· Avoid Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-5404824522389136212008-10-31T09:03:00.001-05:002008-10-31T09:03:00.457-05:00Tips to avoid LymphedemaI visited a Lymphedema Clinic where I was fitted with a sleeve and hand cuff to be worn daily for 3 hours especially during radiation and healing time. (Mind out of the gutter people. Cuff for the hand. Not “Hand Cuffs”.) I was surprised to learn of things I should not do. Like, carry my purse on the affected arm or use the affected arm to open the door and NOT carry Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-31002779472760141072008-10-30T14:37:00.002-05:002008-10-30T14:48:13.252-05:00Living ProofI watched “Living Proof” on LMN about the doctor and his development of the cancer drug Herceptin, with my mother. Swoosie made me cry when she displayed a torturous agony of desperation while BEGGING the doctor to help her daughter. He knew the drug worked on the daughter. She knew the drug worked. But the funding entity did not allow room for continued treatment for her in the Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-55393726702570622162008-10-30T14:32:00.002-05:002008-10-30T14:37:03.961-05:00Radiation is finishedYesterday at my Oncologist appointment, I informed him of the pains I’d been having not only with “the girls”, but in my neck & head as well. (I’d told the other doctor & his nurse about it, but they kept telling me, “it’s just a healing process”. I’d had many surgeries, I feel I know the difference between healing feelings and the pains I’d had prior to diagnosis. I in Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-90502194389515053782008-10-18T23:48:00.005-05:002008-10-30T14:49:46.515-05:00Feeling The BurnI guess there’s two burns.Radiation. (pictures below if you want to skip down with out reading) And it seems Bobby’s night job is coming to a close. Sounds like the rest of the building is done. Thanksgiving or Christmas and he should be done there. So, that burn is on him.I frequently am asked if I'll return to work. I want to. I enjoy working outside of the house. Yet there is aCarolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-75797295485985702352008-10-16T17:52:00.011-05:002008-10-30T14:52:25.533-05:00October / Breast Cancer Awareness MonthI know we are all actually aware of breast cancer. But what I never realized is it is a cancer like other cancers.I thought it was just in the breast. You get it taken out or the breast off and you are done with it. However that is not the case. It can spread. It spreads to your lungs or brain which is a natural pathway through the lymph nodes and how they Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-34586852154164461672008-09-19T11:00:00.008-05:002008-09-19T12:10:26.292-05:00Photo yesterdayTook a couple of photos yesterday at radiation. I have no clue why I'm smiling. It just doesn't seem like a smiling situation, but these technicians are a gentle and fun bunch.They play music to help entertain you while you're in there by yourself.... You have to hold still, so you can't tap your toe, but you can smile. And HEY, who wouldn't tap or smile when you hear the BeeGee's that you Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-23761902666983214712008-09-18T13:15:00.003-05:002008-09-19T10:32:19.516-05:00Rads & RevelationI have begun radiation. (The hip term on-line is "Rads") 5 days a week for 7 weeks. 7 down - 26 to go. I think today I'll try to get some pictures off for ya'll. You lay on this table similar to what's hiding in the basement of hospitals in the morgue, where you are pulled out & pushed in. Only you don't get locked up behind a door. You get pushed toward an interesting robotic like machine with Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-75848495883697533252008-09-05T08:42:00.000-05:002008-09-05T08:42:00.790-05:00Visited the Radiation Oncology office again.Silly me, I thought I’d go in, they’d tattoo me up & I’d start treatment tomorrow.Doesn’t work that way.Wednesday, took CT scans using lasers located in 3 different places of the room. They marked me in a couple places for the potential areas of radiation, which is merely the first phase of the “planning process”. A nuclear physicist has to look at Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-62191448676107378412008-09-03T19:13:00.000-05:002008-09-04T14:15:43.918-05:00She’s Out Ta Get MeShort version:My anesthesiologist wants to cause me bodily harm, but at least I woke up from surgery. Surgery went ok. “They’re” gone. I’m walking around. If the chemo didn’t put me through full blown menopause (which I think it did but started reverting) then I will certainly be now. So watch out! I have a license to be double bitchy and nasty if I wanna be. Well maybe not a license, but at Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-11568970556203058862008-09-03T16:46:00.002-05:002008-09-04T14:13:27.436-05:00She’s Out Ta Get MeLong Version:Made it through surgery, even though the know-it-all anesthesiologist has it in for me. I don’t think it’s just me. I think it could be any cancer patient. Freud may say “she is disgruntled and harboring inner bitterness at anyone with a case of cancer she may perceive as more severe then her own, thereby making herself feel inferior to others. To counteract that, she demonstrates Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-61985633603128716962008-08-25T10:21:00.001-05:002008-08-25T11:43:32.855-05:00Thanks for telling MEI just found out “he” isn’t performing my surgery. He is having an “assistant” there. But the “assistant” is doing the surgery. Which is ok with me I guess. When I visited the doctor last week, I wondered how he’d do with surgery because his fingers, although not bent, seemed swollen with arthritis. However, I’m not happy that he didn’t even attempt to mention to me that he wouldn’t do the Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-80633566517356854522008-08-25T08:56:00.000-05:002008-08-25T11:07:30.010-05:00moving forward - surgeryA week past what could have been another treatment therefore I’ve had the extra week to heal.I have been feeling better. My sense of taste has improved but my muscles feel like I haven’t used them in years. Which I have. I didn’t make myself bedridden. But that is the nature of the beast. Affecting muscles among other things. My insides still feel… swollen & burning.I’ll be meeting w/ radiation Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-90067793242045900442008-08-25T08:07:00.001-05:002008-08-25T11:19:24.662-05:00wrong catI did have a 4 phase ct scan. The doctor reported everything looked good. Which was great news until, I brought up the fact that, they reported on the WRONG THINGS! They talked about the jugular instead of the subclavical looking for clots, the oncologist concurred and went to check it out himself. They didn’t mention the node in the right lung, or pick up on the microcalcifications in the left Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-25200312962994937732008-08-22T07:53:00.003-05:002008-08-22T09:44:27.780-05:00What Smells or things literally make you sick? It is really odd how a smell, certain consistency or a thing can trigger strange reactions and often affect us without us realizing it right away. When I was a young whipper snapper, there was a night I clearly remember when I was sick. Full blown throwy uppy –heaving every 20 minutes kinda sick. In between the horking, I would lay down on the couch.Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-52831365962295294392008-08-21T12:57:00.003-05:002008-08-21T13:56:54.187-05:00What I’m learning---- From so many people….So many family & friends praying & have my back …. and So many strangers out there praying for me….I carry a tremendous amount of guilt. Guilt of all the people that have sent me well wishes, prayers, cards, gift cards, food… Where the hell was I when YOU were going through a real rough time? I always prayed for you. Always. But I never told you I was. Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-91734491682414391892008-08-20T10:20:00.005-05:002008-08-21T14:03:27.283-05:00Some want to talk but some just clam upI hope this doesn’t come off as a harsh rant. These are merely the thoughts that run through the heads of some of… “us”. The people that belong to a “club” that no one ever wants to join. To those calling, leaving messages, I appreciate you so very much! And again, I apologize for not returning your calls.Some of my own family members are on edge wanting to know what the heck is going on with me Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-52100526585320897282008-08-09T13:55:00.003-05:002008-08-09T14:09:12.659-05:00Alternate Reality hits a Milestone.....I’ve never been one to get wound up about finding a tumor. (I’ve had plenty removed in my time.) I went with the flow, had it removed; always assumed it would be nothing to worry about. Others around me would get excited and up in arms about it, but I was always the cucumber. Why worry until you have to? When I first found out I had cancer, I actually remained quite cool about it. I wasn’t Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-815774263290410342008-07-20T13:42:00.001-05:002008-07-20T13:53:31.064-05:00Last one on tapIt is safe to assume, if I don’t post, I’m not feeling well.The posts get farther between, because it is taking longer to recoup.The last treatment on July 2nd not only put a big damper on 4th of July celebration, (mom took Sarah to see fireworks which she truly enjoyed – THANKS MOM!) but left me weaker then I’d ever been. My blood counts dropped like they have been only much faster, sooner & Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-80495377689491812202008-07-20T13:33:00.004-05:002008-12-10T20:25:50.425-06:00Sarah's summer sucks a little lessThanks again to mom, Sarah’s summer had a little boost from the normal sitting around in the house doing nothing…. She had horse lessons. Not only did she get to ride, but learned everything you need to do before you get on. Getting them out of the stall, cleaning brushing before and after, how to put on the saddle… way cool. And I think she really enjoyed it. What little girl doesn’t like horsesCarolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-71556774550243356062008-07-20T12:31:00.001-05:002008-07-20T13:50:07.326-05:00Sammy updateAfter a few trips to the vet (thanks for taking him mom), blood tests, x-rays, and a special diet with a feeding schedule, Sammy is better. We got him through some kind of pancreatitis shock thing, now we have to keep him on a special diet. Sarah and I brought a mattress down to camped out in the front room with him. He was so weak, he could barely walk. Getting upstairs was completely out of theCarolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-77247611970025954732008-07-01T11:39:00.005-05:002008-07-01T12:04:00.218-05:00Fear of the Unknown...Heading into my 5th chemotherapy (tomorrow morning) and my feelings are racing in all different directions. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I have to get that mid picc line again and I know it’s going to hurt, or because just when you start feeling a little better, here comes more poison treatments. Maybe it’s because of the dream I had 3 months ago that still haunts me. Where I walk into Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-77704678252391384442008-07-01T08:15:00.000-05:002008-07-01T20:28:18.815-05:00Oh hell... (( 8:00 pm ))Now our faithful, sweet, handsome fella, Sammy is sick. Pretty dang sick. He wouldn’t eat even hamburger, or play with a rock.He’s become somewhat lethargic, tail way way down, moving super slow when I can get him up, throwing up all over… some runs… drooling like no tomorrow, like shoe strings hanging from his mouth. And he’s not a drooler.Mom was great, she acted fast & came to take him to the Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-67154778474514113512008-06-30T04:49:00.001-05:002008-07-01T11:52:53.621-05:00today's thoughtI'm thankful for: My mom. Everything she's done for me & everything she continues to do for me and my family.What I hate today: I don't know how I could ever repay her. (I know she'd say I don't need to because I'm her daughter.)Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-60806302994280947612008-06-28T10:00:00.000-05:002008-07-01T11:38:49.520-05:00today's thoughtWhat I hate today: Cancer.What I’m thankful for today: Even if my husband doesn’t find me attractive, he at least acts like he does.Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-89464502121003000262008-06-12T11:00:00.001-05:002008-06-12T14:36:58.933-05:00I’m not as strong as you may thinkBut I really do appreciate the encouragement!We’ve all seen the silly old 70's or 80's chick flick movie where the woman breaks down and sobs uncontrollably in the shower. I used to think that chick blubbering in the shower was a bit over the edge and overreacting, but now, I can identify with that woman. You want to be strong for people around you and your family. And damn it all if the only Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-47650990325062293002008-06-11T10:50:00.013-05:002008-12-10T20:25:50.699-06:00yesterday's minor surgeryI didn’t have to spend the night in the hospital. It seems the vein had collapsed & clotted, but they were able to do Angioplasty and remove the clot. Though I have to say, fear creeps in when I feel the same old feeling of pain in that same area. I’m trying to stay positive.And no, I didn’t have a gusher & spurt all over (not while I was coherent anyway) but I did ooze quite a bit afterward out Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-21618459295631747782008-06-09T14:51:00.007-05:002008-12-10T20:25:51.515-06:00Hell No, It Won't GoClot does not seem to have improved. It is blocking totally. Located in the right sub clavicle artery. Tomorrow (Tuesday) I go in and they will try to remove at least some of the blockage so there is some kind of flow. Currently there is “no flow” at all. I imagine having a flow would be better for my treatments……I swear. I do way too much research.Upon searching for a picture of the sub clavicleCarolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-30088650398011093742008-06-05T10:00:00.001-05:002008-06-05T10:37:41.589-05:00Pulled the lineThey didn't bother with a scan. They could tell I'm all clotted up. It would seem there are more then we'd like to see. Some in legs too. They pulled the picc line. We are now working on a last resort for the remaining 3 treatments. Insert a short picc line at hospital, get treatment, pull line right away. Now, they just have to figure out WHERE they can get one in. I don't want to even Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-65704468798360838362008-06-04T12:12:00.003-05:002008-06-04T12:20:30.325-05:00Damn it more problemsPICC line problem.....Swelling began again Saturday & getting progressively worse. I'm going in now to be assessed & they will be doing a scan to check for more clots. Apparently, the clots are occurring because of chemo, and the cumadin (warfarin) doesn't seem to be working for me. ProTime & INR Numbers (blood thinning) haven't stayed stable. The line may have to be pulled out. Last resort Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-57714048378463475212008-05-22T12:14:00.004-05:002008-12-10T20:25:51.794-06:00Nitrous oxide anyone?You ever been in a house where you touch the refrigerator and either the kitchen sink or stove at the same time - and you get an amazing jolt of electrical energy? Well, that’s what it felt like when I had the PICC Line installed. They hit nerves along the way sending what feels like large zings of electrical shocks down the arm into the hand…. only you can’t stop it by letting go, you just lay Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-81996936471081407682008-05-20T08:57:00.006-05:002008-05-20T09:35:16.666-05:00Clots & Herpies(if you only want the funny, skip down to the last paragraph) One day I noticed my hands seemed red. Like someone who has bad circulation or high blood pressure. I didn’t make a stink about it, because I figured everyone would think I was being a big baby or making something out of nothing…. A couple days latter… well, long story short, something was really wrong (along with numbness on one Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-8271355674880962222008-05-19T10:35:00.005-05:002008-05-20T09:36:09.150-05:00so sorryI’m sorry to everyone I have not called.I’m sorry to everyone I have not called or e-mailed back.I’m sorry to everyone I have not personally thanked for the kind things you’ve done or sent or the prayers. (I immensely appreciate every card & well wishes, prayers & cookies…. Everything I receive I am truly thankful for deep in my heart.)THANK YOU!Just when I feel I’m gaining some bearings and Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-36890936438689093522008-05-18T08:31:00.001-05:002008-05-20T08:35:21.104-05:00Night ShiftBobby’s job was prolonged, which is a great thing! Unfortunately, he had to go to night shift to do it. While everyone else received their official & final kiss-off notes, we will be wondering when he will get his & if he will have as much notification time as the others. But for now, we are happy he was offered this “extension” which helps my situation. Sarah misses her Daddy though. She Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-2175868040575638282008-04-23T14:10:00.003-05:002008-04-23T14:32:37.424-05:00For better or for worseWhen you make the holy sacrament of marriage, the priest says “For better or for worse”, yet no one ever expects something life changing to happen to themselves or anyone in their household. I’d have expected it to be me taking care of Bobby with his back problems along all the abuse he puts his body through working so hard at work and at home…. But it isn’t working out that way right now. I’Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-79684593151319363042008-04-22T15:03:00.000-05:002008-04-23T15:04:45.119-05:00change of one medWent in for my blood test Friday 18th and talked to the Oncologist. Don’t know how test came out… This place isn’t big on sharing the information in my folder. In fact, they GUARD the file like many other doctors’ offices do. I just don’t understand, if it’s YOUR file, your information, you paid for… what is the big secrete? At University of Chicago, they not only show you, they have copies Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-5564820843822751422008-04-22T13:05:00.009-05:002008-04-23T15:59:29.900-05:00music can change, when we change....After the first chemo treatment, for the first few days I felt absolutely horrid.All I could think of was Metallica’s "ONE "...“…. Oh God please wake me…” I didn’t want to, it just kept popping in there all by itself. Though I’m not a solder, I kept wishing this was all a bad nightmare and wanted to wake up. Heading into my next treatment this Friday, I keep telling myself, HANG TOUGH. For years,Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-75543462716083962772008-04-16T10:06:00.003-05:002008-12-10T20:25:52.167-06:00Ceremony – the cutting of the hairWhat an event. Anyone who knows me knows I’ve never had short hair since birth. MAYBE once it was at my shoulders. Last night, Sue came over to gracefully do the honors before the shedding begins. Bobby was front and center (with typical man comments, saying we should shave in some obscenities). Mom stood there with her eyes wider then usual and Sarah was eager to be part of it to make the first Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-6374471646687749092008-04-15T14:14:00.008-05:002008-04-16T12:14:09.300-05:00still tiredI’ve been quiet on this end, and I know a lot of people are worried and curious how things are going. I did have my first Chemotherapy treatment Friday 4/4. The day after each therapy, I go to the hospital for a shot. The shot is supposed to increase the white blood cell count to help fight infections. Be it from a paper cut, scratch, illnesses others may carry or bring home or simply shaking Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-46961682696968913552008-04-03T17:17:00.003-05:002008-04-03T17:34:28.481-05:00Surprise!Since Sunday, Sarah has been sick. Throat so sore she’d rather drool then attempt to swallow with a fever of 102 and the kind of earache that makes you not want to lay down even when you are exhausted… She’s been whimpering from the pain and shivering uncontrollably at nigh from the fever spiking (even on slightly higher dose of Advil) and we’ve been up for a good 4-5 hours during the last coupleCarolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-2425745346087491392008-03-26T10:52:00.003-05:002008-03-26T10:59:51.170-05:00The CALL came....I have been, as well as my entire family, an absolute nervous wreck, not being able to sleep, eat, praying every moment possible that God won’t take me away from my husband and daughter, mother, uncles & aunts yet, paralyzed with fear, waiting for results of my scans. I accomplished absolutely nothing just sitting waiting for the phone to ring with news one way or the other. With that, comes Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-7230559231762603532008-03-20T20:01:00.003-05:002008-03-20T20:04:08.660-05:00More NewsI only spoke with Carol through text message today and even that is heart breaking. 26 of the 30 lymph nodes that were removed showed stage 3 cancer. There will be a six month treatment of chemo, once a week. Carol will be undergoing an entire body scan on Monday, March 24th, each and everyone of you reading this blog.. pray..pray hard, pray often.I love you little jilly beanSusienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-26682626357048544312008-03-17T16:28:00.001-05:002008-03-17T16:28:49.463-05:00Setting the record....First let me say this, I have no intentions of whining about what is happening. I’m just explaining what is happening because there are so many out there praying for me and my family, and they want to know what is actually going on. In fact... Through out this entire thing, I have NEVER ONCE asked “WHY ME”. Instead, I’ve been praying my butt off that I, and anyone around me, is learning exactly Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-19915311648005359912008-03-17T15:55:00.003-05:002008-03-18T09:11:39.662-05:00How it UnfoldedI knew at the end of Summer ’07 “something wasn’t right”. You know, sometimes you can just FEEL it. Anyhow, I made an appointment with my doctor for a routine exam & informed her of my newer ‘problems’. I needed further examination. I waited till the first of the new year because something told me this would be BIG and we were getting MUCH better insurance the 1st of the year. Couple days before Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-68412413710363745162008-03-17T09:03:00.001-05:002008-03-18T09:23:29.565-05:00I WANT MY MOMMYI don't know HOW we could get through this without my mother.She has been, my chauffeur to all my appointments, our house keeper, shopper, our cook, my "Alice", my confidant, my rock. I can't be thankful enough. I (we) are so very lucky and blessed to have her here! She has got to be more tired and drained then I am..Thanks mom!.Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8994411905363004564.post-19509627594837372582008-03-17T08:08:00.000-05:002008-03-18T16:29:29.991-05:003/18/08 – 4:15 pmHoping to get this tube out Thursday 3/21, My daughter is coming with. She is eager to be involved and see where Mom has been going all this time. I think that is pretty brave of her! I know hubby Bobby wants to be there too, but circumstances just don’t allow that right now.Monday 3/24 will be frightening. I’ll be going in for a full body CaT Scan & a separate bone scan. See if Carolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13590190759208288033noreply@blogger.com0